I heard something enlightening today from K-LOVE radio. Philippians 1:6 says 6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. The host compared Life to Demo day in a remodel. Demo is the beginning and tearing everything out is messy and often overwhelming. Often we are torn down in order for God to rebuild us. It is in our brokenness that we can feel sad and hopeless, but it’s also in that despair that God holds us and leads us on a new path of restoration.
This spoke to me particularly in this season of life. We recently went through our 3rd miscarriage and we have been so lost since then. We don’t know what the next step is for us. Do we keep trying? Do we accept that biological children are not part of God’s plan for us? We’ve just been going through the motions almost with a since of numbness. We are definitely in a season of Demolition. We are starting from scratch. Anyone who has been through a pregnancy loss knows the toll it can take. We are trying to start from scratch, praying for God to bring us closer together in this time of sadness. Cole and I both handle our grief differently so at times we have to be truly intentional about making sure to be aware of each other needs. We are remodeling. The Lord is guiding us through a renovation of not only our physical lives but also our hearts.
During this time of grief we also spent the weekend celebrating my great-grandmother’s 95th birthday. That weekend blew me away. I had been feeling lonely and isolated. I know my family was supporting us but postpartum had me feeling otherwise. I listened to each of the children her children and grandchildren talk about all of the meaningful moments in there lives with Grandma. It made me reflect on how supportive she has been. For a few years we lived in the same building. We became very close, shared many moments, and cared for each other in a way I’ve not done with anyone else. After this miscarriage, grandma could come by our house to offer her comfort. Instead she called. We talked for almost and hour and I truly felt like she was right there in the room with me.
As I listened and reflected, I was reminded that everyone in our lives have been so supportive of our journey to grow our family. We are so incredibly blessed and I know whatever the lord has planned for us, no matter how long this season of demolition lasts, we are not alone.