Originally posted 08/10 /2018
Right now we are in a season of “us”. With the loss of 2 pregnancies this year, it has been an almost consuming topic of our lives. We’ve been so used to almost putting ourselves aside to deal with the whirlwind of my high risk pregnancies that now we almost don’t know what to do with ourselves. We don’t know how to just be “us”.
Right now health problems and just the craziness of life, we are finding it hard to focus on each other. We get caught up in our own little worlds. I in the all consuming daily struggle of chronic pain/ illness and Cole with the daily balance of work, relaxation and working with me to do the routine things that need to be done. We haven’t had meaningful conversations. We haven’t spent quality time together. We have gotten caught up in the monotony of daily life. It’s leaving each of us feeling lonely, and maybe even somewhat isolated.
Postpartum has hit me hard. I find myself crying over the simplest things. I cry because I realize there is no more yogurt in the fridge, because something isn’t where I thought it was, I am just plain sad all of the time. I don’t even understand if myself. I want my life, our life back, to be happy and satisfied with my husband, not being sad or angry for no apparent reason. We hope that together, Cole and I will be able to become closer as a couple. In an effort to focus on us we have converted the room that was Liam’s nursery into a “quiet space”, where we can be together and also work on our separate crafts, me with my sewing and crocheting and Cole with his writing. Hopefully this will be the beginning of a new phase in our relationship, where we are truly “us”, focusing on ourselves and on each other.
We have not really had a period of time in our relationship to just be “us”, while we were courting, engaged, and even in the beginnings of our married life, there was always some sort of obligation or other things type of focus that wasn’t each other or ourselves. Hopefully we can do that now that we no longer have a child to prepare for or other obligations vying for our attention.
I pray that this season in our lives, will bring us closer, even if it takes 2 am meltdowns, hugs, panic attacks and real & hard talks and medication.
While postpartum is a daily struggle, I’m confident that with “us” in mind, I will overcome it. So… here’s to US!